I love to write and I love to speak before people. Really, I love to try and make people think and to influence them in one way or another. Because of that I sometimes say more than I should, or I stick my foot in my mouth, or I end up apologizing for something that I have said in a hurtful or a bad manner. It's easy to do!
My hardest times are when I know that someone has done or said something against me that is completely wrong. I want to shout about the injustice of it all to the whole world. You know what I mean? We both seen it done all the time on social media. Dirty laundry is hung out for all to see. It is proclaimed to hurt the other and to defend ourselves.
I know of some things being said about me right now that are totally incorrect and I want to speak out, to defend myself. I've lost friends and even a family member. That hurts and the pain runs deep. I even have a stack of evidence to show that I am not wrong in this situation, and yet I keep quiet.
Being still and being quiet is a spiritual practice for a life of faith.
I think of the Bible verse that says to be still and that you will know that He is God. To be still is to cause yourself to let go, to take your grip off of any given situation. To be still and to be quiet certainly is not in my nature in this situation and yet that is what my spiritual journey asks me to do. I have to let go of the situation, not because I do not want to see it resolved, not because I don't want to regain family or friends, not because I don't want to exact my own revenge.
I let go so that I can see God do His own work. I'm sure He will do a better job (but I still want the control!) But therein lies the paradox: when I let go, when I keep quiet and when I sit still, the Spirit can do His work so much better than I could have ever dreamed. Letting go means getting something accomplished. "Vengeance is mine" He says and so I let go. In clarification: I am not looking for vengeance in this situation - I simply want the truth known. I want the pain of rejection to stop.
Being quiet and being still brings on isolation. Friends or family may not understand the silence. This silence forces me to isolate in regards to the given issue. It forces me to go into a retreat. That retreat forces me to focus on myself and my own faith, my own level of living in Spirit. It's in that quietness that I grow. If I am out trying to defend myself or trying to spread "truth" I lose the ability to grow personally. When I am silent, I learn to be comfortable in who I know that I am. With that comfort ability, I have no need to speak. Reminds me of Jesus, who when people spoke evil things of Him, He did not open His mouth. He was silent. He did not need to defend Himself for He was comfortable in knowing the real truth. Nothing would change other people's minds until their spirit journey changed. Almost everyone deserted Him by the time of the cross, and yet He cried for forgiveness upon those who spoke evil. Later, the truth would come out. Later the friends and family would return.
I've been given the opportunity to grow myself in this way. It is painful and it is difficult. Learning the discipline of staying still, of not speaking is challenging. However, with that stillness comes a deeper meditation and a deeper mindfulness. It brings focus. It brings clarity. It brings a deeper sense of faith. In due time, it brings truth.
I hope that my spiritual journey is an encouragement for yours today.
Blessings,
David
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